and I guess the dream isn’t as important as the reality. She’s leaving. Right now. And there’s nothing I could really do. I don’t know why she says those things. “I’m going to be rich”. In jest, tongue in cheek, I know. But it’s irritating. Because that is what she chose. Going back home, she will be well off, she will have that security. It’s a terrible existence that I live. Because I’m going to feel that she is the only one who can save me. But will I ever see her again? I’ll be honest with myself. That’s not really in my hands.
Of course, I’m thinking of Peter Walsh. she was unpacking and rachel w was there. she said, “o you can keep that” and finished up dusting off furniture. i think by the end it transformed into my sister’s room. “isn’t this sad?” she said… isn’t that what she said at the end of freshman year? but in this dream i tried to play it cool. i don’t act quite so genuinely around her anymore, i’m behind my fears. in the dream and freshman year: “yeah it’s sad” I said
